小胖子

Feeling very down now.. last week, i saw and read things that i don wana noe and see. i cried so badly, i couldnt sleep. i thot i am recovering. But cuz of her, all the pain jus came back after seeing and reading it. i noe i am not supposed to read. People around me have been asking me to STOP but i jus cant. i dont blame her bcuz she did nothing wrong. And now, its not her but is him. Feeling stress bcuz of sch work. sitting in front of my lappy chatting wif frens. Suddenly, he sigh in on msn and i saw this little picture that make me feel like dying. My hart hurts alot. So painful that i couldnt take it anymore, i jus wana die.
Knowing that he is happy, and doing well wifout me. I seriously think that i deserve to smile but WHY AM I NOT HAPPY?! i smile, i laff, i play, i joke. i try diff ways of making myself happy. But it seems like all the method is not working.
I am happy that he is happy now and doing well but i oso feel very sad when i noe that he is happy and doing well cuz there is NO ME. Wifout me, he is good. But, wifout him i am nothing. Everything that i do is WRONG and my world is up side down. i cant eat, cant xlp, i cried, no mood for anything, canot concentrate in my work.. blahblahblahblahhss.. When can i stop thinking?
I wish everything will go back to normal. I wish i can go back to the cheerful, Happy-go-Lucky and Chatty me.
He stop loving me and he loves her now.. why cant i jus stop loving him?! Why i still love him so much?!
This is retribution and i deserve it. But how long more do i nid to wait!? so that this can be over?

* I still love u alot. *

- SweetHeart 小`ⓑⓔⓔ -